I know it’s been a minute since Mr. Bailey has graced you all with his words of wisdom(?), but i’m back to share a neat feature that many may not know about.

If you’re ever bored at work, which I know non of you ever are cause you have such engaging, stimulating and fun jobs! (pause) BUT if you ever do, check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

Looks like the regular wikipedia huh? Well it is…and see the screenshot below for where I would ask that you click and not spend too much time on.

Wikipedia

So yes, click on Random Article and ENJOY! I’ve spent probably a total of 2 hours on these…I feel so educated and wise! Now you go check it out and post back what you see and get. Share the knowledge. Don’t be dumb.

I found this interesting article of office pooping and it clearly defines some terminology. Don’t lie…you know you all have experienced one or more of these things… The author of this is unknown, but good stuff anyways! Enjoy and be sure to give it a COURTESY FLUSH!

How to poop at work.

We’ve all been there, but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as
we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For
those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for
taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has
been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A Fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop
in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen,
do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom
to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see
an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet
Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts
of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the
stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended
lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle
Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as
well as the other bathroom attendees.

After the Dodgers beat the Phillies, i’ll be watching The Office tonight. This is the 2nd episode in Season 5 and the season premiere (“Weight Loss”) was incredible. Pam goes off to the Pratt Institute of Design in New York, Ryan comes back to Dunder Mifflin as the secretary, Holly calls Kevin a retard, Phyliss now runs the Party Planning Committee and the big daddy of them all? Jim proposes to Pam!

Tonight’s episode is called “Business Ethics”…and if you know the show, the cast and Dunder Mifflin, you know this will be good!

Here is a little something to whet your appetite (That’s what she said.)

Business Ethics Preview

So tonight is game one of the NLCS between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Philadelphia Phillies.  Our Dodgers are coming off a 3-game sweep of the Chicago Cubs. James Loney’s Grandslammy and some all-star pitching have put the Dodgers on a great “high.” Now they must refocus and prepare for a new opponent. It is VITAL that the Dodgers steal a game in Philadelphia.

Tonight, we got Derek Lowe on the mound and he’s kinda struggled on away games. I’ll be wearing my Dodger Blue and cheering from home!

Time: 5:22pm (PDT) on FOX!

Some of the content here may be politically correct or incorrect and you may or may not agree with me, but that’s what makes this country so beautiful. I welcome all your arguments, complaints, compliments and general feedback. I’ll update this as much as time will allow.

I thought I would put an end to this In-N-Out 60th Anniversary Rumor. Apparently, some people have been forwarding around emails and text messages about reduced prices of the In-N-Out Burger (back to the 1940s prices…) These rumors are completely FALSE and my source is In-N-Out Corporate:

Thank you for your e-mail.

In response to your inquiry, we are sorry that the information you received or heard is incorrect. We are not offering any discounts or “specials” for our upcoming 60th Anniversary on October 22nd.

We will be doing business as usual on our Anniversary, including offering quality meals at the same great value we offer every day.

If convenient, we would appreciate your assistance by sharing this information with the person who contacted you.

Thank you again for your e-mail, and for this opportunity to respond.

Sincerely,

Heather Ocello
Customer Service Representative

Like myself, I’m sure you all are very bummed. But it’s okay. Do we really need another Double Double, grilled onions, no tomatoes and extra-extra-extra well done fries in our stomach??

My thoughts? It was a PR stunt. Some marketing/pr manager at In-N-Out Corporate decided it would be cool to start this email hoax and get some buzz about their 60th Anniversary. Then, knowing they couldn’t refute the rumor to everyone, the 20% of people who didn’t hear it was a rumor will show up on October 22nd expecting cheaper prices and will be disappointed, but probably only 1 in 5 of those people will actually leave and not purchase anything. This results in increased sales for In-N-Out and guess what? It didn’t cost them a dime. Talk about ROI eh?

Some of you might say that 20% will be upset at In-N-Out for ‘lying’ to them…but since 80% of their friends and family already knew it was a hoax, they will coerce them to calm down, thus In-N-Out loses none of their customer base. Win-Win.

Yes. I made some assumptions, but i’m fairly familiar with Corporate Marketing and PR, so sound off if you have a different take on it.